Title: Snowflake
Character(s): Ohno
Rating: PG
Warning(s): This is about the scandal, if you can’t guess by reading.
Note:.
It is my own personal thoughts on how Ohno may’ve felt. Please do not be mad at me, for none of this may even be remotely true.

——

After those weeks, Ohno knew he wasn’t the exact same person as he had been before. Some one had hit him hard and pushed him down low. That one person had targeted Ohno alone; knowing Johnny’s would be brought down alongside him. That person had wanted Ohno to be the downfall of Johnny’s.

            Ohno knew he was different, though it may’ve been hard for an outsider to see. Inside he felt weakened, torn away at. He still drew and dance and sang with as much passion and feeling but his thoughts were corrupt.

            People had hurt him. When people hurt others, it leaves scars deeper than the eye can see. Ohno knew he was doing very well at hiding his pain and sorrow from the world. His view on outside people had turned warped and ugly. He did not trust many anymore. He could tell that his band mates had noticed the slight change in his eyes. He felt sorry for worrying them, because he knew he was. He was their Riida, even if he didn’t act much like one, and dear friend. He trusted his band mates.

            But those people outside, they scared Ohno. Looking out into audiences scared him more than ever. It wasn’t stage fright, he was used to the stage, but the feelings people seemed to project towards him. They expected so much out of him for being “Ohno Satoshi”. They looked up to him and cherished him as “dedicated fans”. But when he was rumored to have done something “out of character” all that respect, expectance, and love was thrown out the window to be replaced with disgust, outrage, and loathing. Even though some didn’t say, he felt he could tell by their eyes.

            Each day as he looked into the mirror, Ohno felt himself degrading himself more and more. Even though those horrible weeks were over, the venom still lay in his blood. He wasn’t good enough. Not worthy of being “Riida, Oh-chan, Ohno Satoshi”. He hurt himself with those words more than he realized. He never even knew why he was doing it to himself.

            There were times when to him the whole world reeked of outrage towards him. But what had he done, exactly? Been a good actor? A good singer, dancer, artist? A good person? Where had he gone wrong?

            The thoughts haunted Ohno each day and night. His band mates would try to cheer him up, to make him feel better. They cherished and loved him. That should’ve been enough. But he had already turned his back on the world, proclaiming it ugly and spiteful.

            Yet, Ohno still had things, people he loved. Maybe he just wasn’t ready to accept the reality of what had happened or what people felt now. He was living in the past even though he didn’t realize it himself. He was putting thoughts into people’s heads that weren’t necessarily there and using them to hurt himself.

            One night, Ohno stepped out into the night in need of the cold, crisp air. This day had been worse than others. He looked up at the grey sky. Of course, he thought, What better color to display? But as his eyes stayed latched on the greyness, tiny puffs of white started to fall from the sky.  His mind was surprised, immediately straying to the thought that stars were falling on him. He fearfully reached out a finger and caught a piece of white, scolding himself for thinking so childishly. What had landed on his finger was not a star, but a pure white snowflake.

            As the unblemished white settled around him, he realized that not the whole world had been poisoned. That some of it was still as pure as that white snowflake.